I will lure them into my apartment with the idea of boxing, bowling, and other sport party games. We will seek out the best flat screen tv and play table tennis until we can no longer move. Yes, the wii will be my savior from this world of loneliness. No more friday nights watching toy story 2 by myself! i am feeling better already and it hasn't even arrived.
If anyone comes up with any tips for buying more friends, please post.