Sunday, January 20, 2008

Dimples are for suckas

I was running a 5k with Claire on Saturday, minding my own business, when she asks me casually what I am doing that night, the answer: nothing. Her reply: You want to go out to a party at a bar with me and my lady friend? My reply: skeptical look. Her retort: Oh don't worry, you won't get hit on. I then say, what, I am not good looking enough for lesbians!?

So I went. I thought it would at least be fun to hang out. They pick me up at 9:30. I am not really dressed to impress because I don't want to have any awkward situations and lesbians usually aren't that dressed up anyway, especially not in the rising star of new england. We drive to the venue in Rocky Hill in the subaru. Looking through the front window of the bar, seeing only short hair. Kristen is hesitant to even go in, and we do another loop, reinforcing that we probably shouldn't go in. Claire, however, is persistent.

We enter the bar and swim in a sea of sweatshirts and tapered leg, light wash jeans. Claire made me play the games: find the tranny and who would I do. I did eventually figure out who was once a man and is now a woman , but it took me awhile. Word of advice: look for large hands, surgeons can't fix that. I also saw some women I was sure were actually men. Wrong again.

After I had conquered the tranny test, The three of us were chatting and a woman wearing rose colored glasses comes up to us talking about a mentoring program. Now, I am not a shy person, but I was keeping quiet because I am a fraud and don't want to be found out. This doesn't work because rosy turns to me and starts staring. I start laughing out of nervousness after she tells me how adorable I am. Let me just take a minute to say that Rosy is much older, manish, has bad fashion sense, and is WEARING ROSE COLORED GLASSES.

I mean, I appreciate the compliment, I know I have nice dimples, but come on. Where does she get this sense of entitlement to hit on me? She probably thought I was even younger than I am. Pervy. I was also way out of her league, being so adorable. I maneuvered out of her glances with my feigned shy routine. It didn't last long, because about 15 minutes later she asked me to dance. Of course, Claire is encouraging this by talking about my dimples and how cute I am. great. All I can do is laugh because it is so awkward, this just makes it worse. Especially after Rosy tells me she likes the shy ones. Claire makes me dance. I am not happy.

Rosy finally figures out I am not into her and asks me if I am a lesbian after I try to leave the dance floor. I say no. She tells me to keep an open mind. How typical. Well if I was going to switch teams it wouldn't be for her. I am shallow. Why do the ugly lesbians always say that? Do they really think they are going to be able to turn me? I really doubt it.

All in all, it was an adventure and I did get a stolen pint glass out of it.

Oh, and fyi, I am cute enough to get hit on by lesbians.
Here is a picture of the dimple.



4 comments:

Kim said...

Sounds like one heck of a social experiment! My sister used to hang out at a bar called "The Neuter Rooster". She'd always feel safe, never being hit on in there!
And funny you went to a lesbian bar, we went to a showing of the movie "For the Bible Tells Me So", about people being rejected by their families for coming out of the closet , and their familes coming to terms (or not) with this. Excellent movie.

DarcyM said...

I know, a gay male bar would have been the better way to go.

wb said...

That hat makes you look sort of gay. But a cute, trendy, gay. Not old, unattractive, flannel gay.

The Moderatilist said...

I'm confused... so you're not a lesbian?